Fake Kewpie and iphone in a can

kewpie mayo attempt

I changed my mayo buying ways after being exposed to the wonderful 2-minute mayonnaise article on Serious Eats. Since I only use mayonnaise occasionally, but usually in large quantities, it made more sense to just make a cup at a time when I needed it, as opposed to having a large container of mayonnaise in my fridge. I also could not get used to the gloopy quality of US mayonnaise, so the adjustable quality of DIY mayo was appealing.

Soon after beginning to make my own mayo, I started looking into ways to replicate the wonderful taste of Kewpie. To achieve this goal, I poked around the Japanese Kewpie website to find any details about their production process. What I gathered were: there are 4 egg yolks for 500ml (roughly two cups) of mayo, the vinegar they use is a blend of apple and malt vinegar. Details can be found here. I played around with the amount of water to add (to achieve that Kewpie creaminess) and the salt content, and I think I have a fairly good replication of Kewpie mayonnaise. Might not sound like much experimenting was done, but considering how long it takes to go through a cup of mayonnaise, I think I did some substantial experimenting.

However, I am not that much of a credible source, since my financial situation forces me to rely on an year old memory of what Kewpie tasted like, rather than buying a one for reference. I still feel there’s a slight difference to the Kewpie I remember from childhood and this fake Kewpie. It might possibly be due to the fact that real Kewpie uses pasteurized eggs, which I’m too lazy to make myself.

So here’s the recipe:

1 cup of vegetable oil

2 egg yolks

1 tablespoon of apple cider vinegar

1 tablespoon of water

a dollop of mustard (to stabilize the emulsion)

1/2 teaspoon of salt

Just throw them in a jar, and whiz away with an immersion blender.

Now, about the iphone.

I was in a situation where I wanted musicin the kitchen, but was too lazy to turn on my main stereo system. However, I hate the unbalanced sound of my iphone speakers, and wanted to at least get it up to the level of an old radio clock, which is still pretty horrible. Since the iphone has a pronounced treble but weak bass, I figured it might sound better if I used the logics behind bass reflex/quarter wavelength loudspeaker, by basically cramming the iphone into a tube of sorts that would eliminate the treble and accentuate the bass.

The result:


I played around with a couple of cans and glasses. I thought a pint glass with its horn-like shape would fare well,  but in fact a 28 ounce tomato can worked the best. It actually reflects the sound in a way that the volume of the iphone sounds louder. It sounds quite similar to those little clock radios that you see people constantly slamming in 80’s movies, which is saying it still sounds pretty bad, but at least it has that nostalgic quality to it. Anyway, it balances out the sound, increases the volume, and works with stuff you have in the kitchen.

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Filed under condiments, Western stuff

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